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07 August 2007 @ 03:10 am
Updating Out of Nowhere  

I figured I could take a moment out of my busy day and actually update this thing. My most recent events revolving around my personal life and issues therein are as follows.  School sucks. I don't care how good or awful of a semester I may be forced to endure/bear witness to, it sucks. I spent my entire Spring semester working my butt off and struggling in every class just to end up at a point of mediocrity.  I spent so much of my time worrying about what to do next and where to proceed that for a moment there I was absolutely stagnant. Unfortunately for me, it was at the tail end of the semester when I needed to be the most diligent.

I turned in my psychology final late, I showed up to two of my finals late, I didn't get to do one of my finals and there's probably more around that general realm but it all seems to escape me.  I don't know if it's something that I don't like thinking about as to why I could've forgotten ot if it ceases to have some sort of relevant importance to me. My theological bioethics professor died so I didn't get to turn in my final project because he was out of town when I was supposed to be doing my presentation and he just kind of sent out an e-mail with 2 questions that we were supposed to respond to and I did I get back my final grades...C, C, C, C, F. I saw that F and about peed myself. I spent my entire summer tracking him down for an explanation and reasoning behind why I would've failed his class. I was missing stuff...due to his father's death. I turned it in and he gave me a D for my final grade.

Needless to say that wasn't good enough, so I tracked him down again. Now I'm spending my summer working on a project that should've been done with two times over. My art history professor has apparently been fired. I don't exactly know the details behind it but I'm not going to complain )or look a gift horse in the mouth so to speak) because she was merciless and ridiculously difficult. She made a few students cry, some others quit, and it was just...not a good semester. As for the class in which I turned in my final late, I was stressed and overwhelmed and decided on my course of events that would be the last thing I would take care of. In the classes where I showed up late...I overslept. Nothing more to be said.

I injured myself at the tail end of the semester as well and spent the last few weeks hobbling and swinging around like a wounded bird or some other inflicted animal. In addition to all this I spent my entire summer up until 2 weeks ago (or thereabouts) in physical therapy. Unfortunately, due to this I've been placed on extended medical leave because my doctor went on vacation for a good month or so....so I couldn't get a note saying I'm released back to full duty. Of course, that means I'm not really getting paid. I'm sitting around doing nothing but indulging myself and writing all day as well as playing video games.

I've got to admit this is not exactly fun for me. To be more than a little honest it's actually pretty miserable. I just like being of some use. And if not of use then reminded that I am fully capable. When there is neither of these things, I tend to mope. I especially "enjoy" being busy (notice the quotation marks) because with enough energy output and no time to think and continuous movement I won't have time to stop and think. If I stop and think it's probably not going to be the most positive of outcomes. I don't even know where my mindstate will "rest".

So now I'm at the same job as my girlfriend. Hopefully that will pan out ok. Most importantly maybe I can work both jobs and go to school and actually have some money at the end of the coming months instead of spending all I have on stupid trinkets and (although important) sources of entertainment and shelling out all my hard earned money to bills - more than likely some greedy worthless conglomerate corporation that doesn't need my money nor do I need to give them my money but here we are back at the start so to speak realizing that some of these things are necessary evils (i.e. - cell phones,internet, etc.). The first day was busy and rough and I did a good job...apparently better than my predecessors. However, the second day wasn't as good and we were overstaffed meaning that everytime I wanted to do something there was nothing. Which means I was looking for work, so I wasn't busy, my mind was left to roam and the end result wasn't very good. I was tired...couldn't sleep, slept for a little over an hour and my emotional stability was lax. At the end of the day there was little to be said and even less to be done so I ended up going home after running some errands and then sleeping just to escape from myself.

As it stands everything is ok. Just ok. Not good not terrible but ok. I can already tell that I'm not going to be staying at either job for very long. I'm going to try looking for new sources of income on both ends. When I finally make my movement away from Federal Express and then this new employer. Generally, I'm hoping to find something in my field or possibly do something a little more independant but I'm not really finding anything either way. It's kind of disheartening. Really though, what can you do? I guess that's all there's left is the continuous seaching and holding on to hopes of something better and praying.

School is about to begin again and I have to go through some more crap before I'm out of the murky water. I'm still working on that essay and I'm going to attempt to turn in my tuition reimbursement forms after the grade change and we'll see how that pans out. Also, this is hopefully my last year at college. If not, then I'm screwed. I'm out of financial aid. How about that? I'm going to make another trip over to my school library and hopefully turn in all these form for all these different things I'm dealing with at once. No matter how much you state or even scream "ONE AT A TIME!" everything always manages to hit you at once.

But I digress...I'm still working on moving forward and getting through it all. With God's help hopefully I'll make it.

Also, speaking of what can be done with God's help all my friends are getting married to each other...or rather have gotten married to each other. I had SEVERAL weddings that I attended this summer and now I know even more happy couples. Hopefully they'll remain that way until the end of their days. Hope all is well with everyone else.

Current Mood: tiredtired
Current Music: Smashing Pumpkins EBE, BEB, D-Day Clock, Bleeding the Orchid